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PLAYOFFS?!?!?!

Objects in Mirror are Closer than they Appear

Reunited & it Feels so Good

The 2005 second round draft pick of the PONYS is finally back for his second stint with the club.  Many wondered when  GM Anthony Rinaldi would use his his wavier priority but those who know him best knew he doesn't like wasting anything and must of had something up his sleeve, and that something happened early Tuesday morning when the PONYS acquired QB Chad Pennington.  When all-star diabetic Pony Jay Cutler injured his throwing hand index finger on the first play of Monday nights affair it took a lot of guts for him to go out and continue to play the rest of a then tight brawl with the Bullies.  "The fact that Cutler will not be starting for us next week has nothing to do with the Broncos not playing." says Rinaldi, "I appreciate the effort, but it was very selfish of him to put the rest of his season in jeopardy and he will face a one week suspension because of it."  Newly acquired  PONY Chad Pennington had a very different point of view, "I've been watching the PONYS very closely since we parted ways in 06 waiting for any opening, and when i saw Jay go down I had my people jump on the phones right away.  I also understand the impact he has had on the team and the job I am being asked to do...It's overwhelming, believe me...We can't all have stronger arms than Elway."  As a wise gay man once said...He's got to PROVE it this week.

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Goodbye Voldasa; Hello Bloomsburg

Call up ESPN because there may be a new Titletown, and thy name is Bloomsburg.  For the first time in EFS history, early Monday morning, the headbustas of Bloomsburg were not only crowned 2008 Fantasy baseball champion, but also 2008 Fantasy Golf Champion.  "These are the type of things you dream about growing up."  Said the ecstatic fantasy general manager/owner as tears began to roll down his cheeks during the award ceremony.  Unfortunately for the game the impressive feat will go unnoticed to many since golf was such a shallow pool and thus controversial in nature.  "Who gives a da*@n, it's golf!" said fellow EFS reliable and two time former fantasy baseball runner-up (2006-2007) Joshua Fritz, but when asked about the crowning of a new baseball champion, something josh has never been able to do, he refused to comment.  A little ironic once you think about it.  Over the course of the last three weeks Josh Fritz has taken Mr. Millers column on this site and made it his own, becoming a savior of the site but Tyler responded by not only winning Baseball and Golf but also tying* Mr. Fritz's Trophy count.  Whether or not you respect fantasy golf, one thing is indisputable; the fantasy baseball season is a very long one, especially through the dog days of summer, and requires day to day updates and hundreds of hours of commitment thus making it almost unanimously the hardest fantasy sport to win.  So although this site will never again recognize him as a great person for abandoning his column we do have to recognize him as EFS Manager of the week!  From all of us at EFS, congratulations Tyler on your notable fantasy achievements, you may now join Morgan Batholomew and Anthony Rinaldi as truly elite baseball managers.

Anthony Rinaldi
EFS insider

*The Legitamacy of Fantasy Golf and Fantasy Nascar is Still Up for Debate

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LaTradeian

 As many of you may know, LaDainian Tomlinson is a premier running back for the San Diego Chargers of the National Football League.  And, as many of you are soon to find out, he is a premier running back for the Black(&blue)birds of the EphrataFantasyStars Fantasy Football League.  The only problem with this is that the Black(&blue)birds are ranked 7th out of 10 teams in EFS and have scored the 2nd least amount of points.  To add insult to injury (no pun intended) the Black(&blue)birds manager, Morgan Bartholomew, has been rumored to have been shopping LaDainian around the league.  When asked about these possible trade rumors LaDainian had this to say:  “Man, I’ve been doing all I can this year to help out this pathetic team, I even scored four touchdowns over the last two weeks!  And you’re trying to tell me you want to trade me?  Man, you must be crazy.  I won the Championship last year in EFS with the headbustas, managed by my boy Tyler Miller, and you’re trying to get rid of me?  Man, you must be crazy.  I understand this team is bad, but you don’t get better by getting rid of your best player!”  Then he was asked about how he would play while under the strain of these trade rumors.  LaDainian had this to say:  “Man, who knows?  I could put up 300 yards rushing and 3 touchdowns to go along with 8 receptions for 125 yards, and I’d still be on the trading block.  Man, this chump doesn’t know what he’s doing trying to trade me.  He better hope Temple University offers a class in Team Management 101, because he undoubtedly needs it!  On the other hand, I could blow the game and try to return to my hold team, because their manager obviously knows what he’s doing!”  The team LaDainian is talking about is his former team headbustas managed by Tyler Miller.  It’s no secret that headbustas has established itself as one of the greatest fantasy football dynasties of this generation, and it’s hard to see why LaDainian would not want to come back home.  Last year headbustas won the regular season championship by finishing 11-2, while also winning the playoff championship and taking home the league title and reward (cash money).  While running for 1,474 yards on 315 carries, a 4.7 yard average, 60 catches for 474 yards and 18 total touchdowns for the headbustas in 2007, LT is on pace to rush for 1,184 yards on 308 carries, a 3.8 yard average (his second lowest of his 8 year NFL career), 40 catches for 244 yards and 16 total touchdowns this year for the Black(&blue)birds.  This an obvious sign of bad management and motivational skills by Morgan Bartholomew, and when LT was asked if he would rather play for the first place headbustas or the seventh place Black(&blue)birds, he responded by saying “What kind of question is that?  Morgan could never manage a team half as well as Tyler could.  Headbustas is the clear favorite to win their second-straight championship in EFS, why wouldn’t I want to go there?"
Tyler Miller
headbustas

Old Twist to a New Mentality

Wednesday night marked the first time in over 2 years EFS has hosted an online draft,and although conditions were not ideal and the average distance between managers was approximately 300 miles the night was a success.  Full hockey results are available on the draft results page.
Expect more hockey coverage in the future!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Rinaldi Cuts Dick.

News flash: there is no fantasy preseason.  As obvious as this trivial fantasy tidbit seems it's almost unfathomable for pro-bowlers across the league.  Case and point: Chad Ocho Cinco 8 fantasy points, Donte Stalworth 0 fantasy points, Tory Holt 4 fantasy points, Braylond Edwards 9 fantasy points and the list goes on.  Tonys PONYS' impatient GM Anthony Rinaldi was the first of many disappointed managers across the league to act drastically.
"The fantasy season is only 16 weeks!  It looks like we are going to get lucky this week but I can not stand these players prancing around with the I'll-preform-when-I-want-to-preform-because-I'm-the-best-and-there-isn't-any-urgency attitude!  They're on this team for a reason and that is to come to play their hearts out every week!  If Addai and Coolley want to play, no check that if they want to STAY they will have to earn there spots back.  They should sit back and watch Hines, maybe they'll learn a thing or two about urgency.  I can't tell you my whole line-up for next week yet, but I can tell you JOSEPH ADDAI WILL NOT START!!!"
Early Monday morning cornerback Richard Marshall was released from the team.  when asked for a comment Rinaldi stated the following:
"It had to be done, they don't think I'll do anything and i need them to respect me.  I'm sorry Dick had to go but he was just another replaceable week 1 underachiever.  An example needed to be made."  With week one almost in the books almost nothing has gone to script.  Is this signs of things to come or just a fluke?
Ephrata Fantasy Stars, or Bizzaroworld Fantasy Stars?  We will have to wait and see!!
Anthony Rinaldi
ESF Insider

Taking Matters Into his own hands

Fed up with the downward spiral the recently publicized EphrataFantasyStars website was headed for, General Manager Josh "doin-em-derrty" Fritz decided to do something about it!  Throughout the last week Tyler Miller was bombarded with hate mail and death threats about his lack of responsibility.  When questioned about the situation Tyler had this to say:
"If someone else thinks they can write an article then they need to prove it!  I mean talk is cheap but when it comes down to it they need to prove it...anybody can say they can write but they need to prove it.  When it roles around and they say they can write but they can't you know thats them just not prove'n it but thats really all you can do, prove it.  So lets see them prove it!"
Miller sure was confident that the site relies on him but mild mannered Josh Fritz took matters into his own hands.  When he called me earlier this week he didn't just call to cry about the site like most managers have done, he was willing to do whatever was needed of him to get the site up and running.  Thus DaDerrySwami was born, a weekly column that will bring you a detailed analysis of the upcoming matchups around EFS fantasy football.
Hats off to Josh Fritz as he is awarded Manager of the Week!

Anthony Rinaldi

SITE AT A STANDSTILL...TYLER MILLER TO THANK

Never bite the hand that feeds.  This wonderful site was created in approximately 2 days, and can be taken down much quicker.  One of the most prominent names to recently graduate from Ephrata Senior High School; Tyler Miller.  Sir Valentine, nicest, Bum fight crew and Red Hot Ripetide Rush Raptors MVP, and most importantly Ephrata Fantasy Stars Football Commissioner are all things Tyler Miller is known for.  As of Wednesday morning we can add a few more titles to the list, Liar, Irresponsible, Despicable, and possibly gay.  When the Ephrata Review recognized graduate, Tyler Miller refused to write his much anticipated Tuesday's T-Milla's Thrillas he put the reputation and the future of EFS incorporation in jeopardy.  So thanks a lot Tyler Miller.

This website will be at a standstill for the next 7 days in which we will either receive his article or be forced to destroy the website!!

Tyler can be reached at (717) 823-1436...feel free to give him a piece of your mind.

Thank You,
Anthony Rinaldi

Tribute to an Icon

"Stunned" wasn't a word sufficient enough to capture the reaction of the Ephratafantasystar community Thursday morning when asked to comment onthe death of their good friend, Gene Upshaw.  No, "stunned" would not do for the sudden loss of the executive director for the NFL Players Association for the past 25 years and Pro Football Hall of Fame guard.  "Stunned" wouldn't do after Upshaw succumbed to pancreatic cancer late Wednesday night at his home in Lake Tahoe, Calif., not when he was diagnosed only Sunday. Upshaw was 63 -- his uniform number with the Raiders from 1967-81.  "'Shocked' would be more appropriate, in my case," Rinaldi said from his Pittsburg office. "I'm so deeply saddened by Gene's loss, not only as the head of a great organization but as a very close friend of ours. My heart goes out to his entire family."  EFS commissioner Tyler Miller echoed Rinaldi's thoughts. "He fought hard for the players and always kept his focus on what was best for the game," he said. "His leadership played a crucial role in taking the NFL and its players to new heights." "Gene was a great player. He was an All-Pro. He was a Hall of Famer. If you look at the history of the NFL you're going to find out that he was one of the most influential people that the league has known," John Madden, who coached Upshaw when Oakland won its first Super Bowl, said in a statement. "He did so much, not only for the players, but also for the owners, the teams, and the game of pro football.  A permanent replacement will be voted upon as soon as possible, with former NFLPA presidents Troy Vincent and Trace Armstong, outside counsel Jeffrey Kessler and former Vikings running back Robert Smith considered the top contenders.  Upshaw is survived by his wife, Terri, and sons Eugene Jr., Justin and Daniel, who were all at his bedside Wednesday night.

Coole-ing Down

  On a career night for WR Plaxico Burress (10 rec, 133 yds) Tonys PONYS are currently 3 points behind their respected projected points.  How?  Well the recently acquired Burress separated himself from the pack early, conversely all eyes were on Washington TE Chris Cooley.  All eyes except for QB Jason Campell!  The 2005 first round pick out of Auburn was completely oblivious to one of, if not the, most potent offensive weapon on his squad.  We at EFSI had a chance to talk to the PONYs GM Anthony Rinaldi after the game and heres what he had t say:

(9/4/08) From an EFS GM on gameday...

Tonight the Giants begin their quest for a perfect season and defense of their 2008-2009 super bowl championship.
It is also a big night for the PONYS where although they will be without their long time quarterback Eli Manning they will still cheer him on as he will undoubtedly be looking to throw to the recently acquired WR Plaxico Burres.  Also the (revamped) NY defense is back for another season on the other side of the ball for TONYS Squad!
Good Luck Giants!
Good Luck PONYS!!

Anthony Rinaldi GM

themagnificent

Welcome to another exciting year...

Well into the dog days of summer there was a bittersweet taste in the mouths of EFS managers all across Lancaster County. As August was coming to a close, and most of us could count our days in Ephrata on both hands, there was still one last hoo-rah for 11 lucky men of the city; the 2008-2009 Offline EphrataFantasyStars Fantasy Football Draft!  I'd like to start off by saying this season should be one to remember, not only did everyone show up for the draft on time, prepared and following the newly instated dress code, but also for the first time in the leauge's exsistance all managers have payed up on draft day/night/morning!!  Please pat yourselves on your backs because it is a great accomplishment!  Secondly, the leauge has evolved towards a "keeper" leauge adding a new twist that will hopefully keep all 10 teams interested throughout the entire season (this obviously wont be a problem for most managers, but remember we do have some n00bies.)  Let me conclude this first of many EFS articles by saying the following:  as competitive as this is, remember we may all be (in some cases) hundreds of miles away and, if nothing else, please use the EphrataFantasyStars' variety of sites (EFS Facebook, Yahoo!, EFS Sunday afternoon AIM chatroom, and this site) to communicate with your friends, since we have all grown up together and become such great friends. Good luck to all.
EFS Fantasy Baseball Commissioner
Webmaster
General Manager (Tonys PONYS)
Anthony Rinaldi

(6/29/08) Commissioner's Note

Welcome to another exciting season of EphrataFantasyStars Fantasy Football! This year we are changing things up a little bit by making this league a keeper league. You are allowed to keep one (1) player from your team last year that you drafted after the first three (3) rounds. In order for you to keep your player this year, you must draft him within the first three (3) rounds of this years draft.

We will also be having an offline draft at my house (209 Stephen Lane) like last year. The Draft will be Friday August 15th and you can come to my house anytime after 8 PM EST. You must also bring your $20 entrance fee to the draft, otherwise you will not be able to draft. I'm going to be very strict about money this year to avoid any "problems" like there have been in the past years. And, of course, the draft will start sometime between the hours of 12 AM and 2 AM (this is not up for debate!).

Please, make sure you read over the Scoring & Settings to get a good feel for the league.

Please, come prepared with the following:
-list of players/player rankings (i don't care what site they are from, or if you made your own)
-**$20 cash**
-a favorite pen of yours (if you by some odd chance don't have a favorite pen, i will provide you with one)
-a binder and/or a clipboard (writing room is @ a minimum, so you may not have a table to sit at)

Things I will provide:
-Draft Board (New one for this year, and last year's)
-Individual Defensive Player List (not rankings)
-Pens and Paper
-Markers/Sharpies
-Hat and Paper for Randomized Draft Order
-Food and Beverages (but feel free to bring something, it would be much appreciated)

I was also thinking of implementing a Dress Code (would look sweet for pictures taken at the Draft). The Dress code would be a Shirt & Tie, and/or team apparel. Let me know what you think of the idea!

Any questions please feel free to ask!



Your Commissioner,
Tyler Miller